Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

Silver Lips by ~alone-am-i:iconalone-am-i:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


Pick
Then pull
Me away
If only, if only
For a day
Lovely silver lips
Feather finger tips
Touch me.

Wade through the haze
Of mid-morning mist
Sift through my evils
Uncurl my bleeding fist

Hide
To expose
My eyes
If only, if only
Faded lies
Lovely silver lips
Feather finger tips
Touch me.

Agasp the scene
Grasp the fiend
To tear us in two
The one, who is you

This fall of tears
In seasons cold
Signal the dissapear
Of the new and old

Lovely silver lips
Feather finger tips
Touch me.
Love me.
Know my lingers and woes
Return this friend and foe

Come
To leave
Burn us away
If only, if only
This failing day
(Could remain)

Lovely silver lips
Feather finger tips
Of mid-morning mist
Those lips, I dream to kiss.
©2006-2009 ~alone-am-i
:iconalone-am-i:

Author's Comments

Enjoy

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconbrokenfrailty:
~BrokenFrailty Jun 15, 2006, 3:43:30 PM
Wow, this is an excellent poem! You're so descriptive, and it is so emotional. The only critique I have on it is that I have no idea what your subject is, and I can't quite follow the story...but the wording is fantastic!

--
[Smile :) Jesus LOVES :heart: YOU!!!! Even if you don't love him]
:iconrebellion:
~rebellion Jun 15, 2006, 6:25:29 PM
hey, this one is new. When did you write it?

--
An antidote for the imperial poison. (Chromatic Chimera, UneXpect)
:iconalone-am-i:
~alone-am-i Jun 15, 2006, 9:49:57 PM
About 6 seconds before I submitted it. What do you think of it?

--
"We peel away like petals of a flower
Growing ever small
On the edge we live
Off the edge we'll fall
Into the wilted petals of our once full flower"

Retrospective Is My Way Of Speach
:iconrebellion:
~rebellion Jun 16, 2006, 3:34:57 PM
I don't know what to think of it.

It's got as many meanings as the obvious, like, the nil symbolism version of a wishful love-lament type thinger, to slavery and freedom in the dawn, morning, Jesus. Like, the whol interpritation of the piece depends on who it's adressing, which is pretty cool. Not to many pieces of poetry have that kind of ambiguity attached to them.

--
An antidote for the imperial poison. (Chromatic Chimera, UneXpect)
:iconalone-am-i:
~alone-am-i Jun 16, 2006, 5:10:34 PM
Hm, so it's a successful piece, to me at least. Thanks for the comments, it's been awhile since you've given one with more than ten words, appreciated as always.

--
"We peel away like petals of a flower
Growing ever small
On the edge we live
Off the edge we'll fall
Into the wilted petals of our once full flower"

Retrospective Is My Way Of Speach
:iconalone-am-i:
~alone-am-i Jun 16, 2006, 5:15:55 PM
Thank You.

--
"We peel away like petals of a flower
Growing ever small
On the edge we live
Off the edge we'll fall
Into the wilted petals of our once full flower"

Retrospective Is My Way Of Speach
:iconalone-am-i:
~alone-am-i Jun 16, 2006, 5:18:13 PM
Thank you, and yeah, it's kind of supposed to be that way. Vague, gives the reader the chance to fill in the blanks themselves, it's what I usualy try to do.

--
"We peel away like petals of a flower
Growing ever small
On the edge we live
Off the edge we'll fall
Into the wilted petals of our once full flower"

Retrospective Is My Way Of Speach
:iconrebellion:
~rebellion Jun 16, 2006, 6:36:36 PM
>> I'm sorry. I can never, ever give you the feedback on your poems that they deserve. I lack the vocabulary to express the things they say to me. I'm sorry about the one you gave me for over the weekend, but I just totally blanked. ^^; sorry... This one also put the colours of plae mauve, light blue, and that fragile, lightish grey. Probably has something to do with the 'morning mist' bit, and the 'silver', but the language in the entire piece reminds me of those colors. And ribbon. Ribbon getting blown around in the wind.

--
An antidote for the imperial poison. (Chromatic Chimera, UneXpect)
Previous Page12Next Page

Details

June 15, 2006
1.1 KB

Statistics

13
2 [who?]
108 (0 today)
2 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy